The Skate of Shame

There’s the standard kind of shame felt as a goaltender; the feelings of inadequacy, the look of disdain in the eyes of your teammates after an 8-1 loss, the smell of your trapper hand during dinner.

And then there’s the shame felt when, during a pickup hockey shelling, you’re asked to skate the length of the ice and take up residence in the other net. Ah. The Skate of Shame.

The Skate of Shame is known to any goalie who has ever said yes to an 11:00 PM start time game of shinny on a Tuesday night because a buddy was desperate to fill the crease. You grab your kit, you get in the car, you roll to the rink, you strap on the pads, you skate to the net and then it begins. Ten minutes go by and your side is down 16 goals.

Clearly, the left winger with the shin guards taped to the outside of his jeans is not pulling his weight. In fact you’re pretty sure that they don’t make water bottles out of 355 ml aluminum cans, despite nearly every member of your team drinking from them. It’s not your night.

And then you get the call. Some genius on the other bench says the magic words “hey, goalie… switch ends.”

You turn, grab your water bottle off the back of the net, and start the long, awkward skate to the other end of the rink, head down, forlorn.

First, your own bench watches you, then the players ready to drop the puck and carry on with the night, gathered around centre, impede your progress a little. None of them look you in the face.

You pass the other goalie, who says something like “tough night out there, huh?” or the ever patronizing “good job out there, man.”

One last hurdle: the opposition bench. Your new brothers-in-arms. Your new lackluster defence. Your new team. They don’t look directly at you, but they look down the other end, eyeing up the other keeper, whose only moves tonight have been to skate to the other end of the rink. There goes their reason to play hard.

You place your water bottle on the back of the net, you turn, you try your best to shave out the deep little skate ruts the other goalie left in the crease before he left, and then you get shelled some more.

Somehow, your new team has lost all confidence. Their earlier escapades of lighting you up have gone for crap against the challenge of a fresh keeper and now you’re on the receiving end of a shelling from a newly inspired team. One of whom is a left winger with shin guards taped to his jeans.

There is nothing you can do about the Skate of Shame. It just happens. The best thing you can do is try and keep your chin up, ready your gloves and keep your stick on the ice. It also helps if you bring the best player from your team over with you. Call it a preventative measure.