Why are goalies so weird?

I used to think that comments questioning the sanity of goalies was just humourous rhetoric; a way to deliver a friendly verbal jab at a team-mate.And then the more goalies I met, I realized there was some truth behind it all…

Names have not been changed to protect anyone.

Take Crazy Wayne for example. He’s in his 40’s and there’s no questioning his passion for the game. Crazy Wayne in a friendly game of pick-up amongst friends is known to throw his blocker and catcher into the corner of the rink amidst a flurry of expletives after letting in a goal. I once phoned his cel and left a message on voice mail asking if he knew of another goalie that could come out for the next night’s pick-up game. He called me back promptly, and in hushed tones said that he would try to find someone right away. When I asked him to write down my other number he said, “Oh, um, I dont have a pen and paper on me right now, I’m at a funeral.”

I could then hear him asking the person next to him for a pen.

Kuz, another goalie passionate about the game, who is known to play on three different teams in a single season, would skate out of his crease and behind the net to admire his reflection in the plexiglass when play was down in the other end.

Hilde… I don’t have enough server space to write about all the idiosyncracies of Hilde. “Idiosyncracies” thats being polite. For one thing he goes by two different sets of names - I’ve known him since high school and I’m not sure which one is his legal name. After a bad defensive breakdown - a common occurence on the teams I play on - Hilde will beat his stick over the crossbar until the stick cracks in half. Theres no stoppin’ him. Let him be. Don’t get in his way, don’t try talking to him after the game, and start calling around for a replacement for next game.

“Uncle John.” Not my Uncle. Not anyone’s. “Uncle John” is his name around the local rink. He hangs around waiting for a team whose goalie doesn’t show. He then offers his services. He talks a good game, coulda been a contender, coulda been somebody if it wasn’t for his wife. Yah, right. 5 minutes into the game the other team realizes they don’t have to waste their energy trying to beat defenders and make a play to the front of the net. Heck, just shoot from the redline. If Uncle John comes your way offering his services. Rent the gear from the pro-shop for one of your wingers.

I think I’ve only met one sane goalie in my life. He happens to be a mechanical engineer and plays volleyball in the summer, maybe those are his flaws. Or maybe I just don’t know him well enough yet to understand his true psychosis. But based on my experiences with other goalies… you know he’s gotta have something going on.

Have some “goalie” experiences to share with us?