Free beer, as in speech, not beer.

In this first fundraising series we’ve been discussing the age-old tradition of making money through beer sales. So having an article about free beer may seem contradictory at first, but only to those that are thinking of free beer as free, as in beer, and not free, as in speech.

The term “free beer” is sometimes misunderstood–it has nothing to do with price. It is about responsibility. A beer is a free beer if:

• It is donated to the team.
• It sold for a profit.
• All proceeds from free beer sales go towards the team’s coffers.

It is made available for members of the team to purchase, either for immediate personal consumption, tucked in a pocket in your hockey bag for later consumption, or for distribution amongst team members. Perhaps you should offer a purchased free beer to the bloke that assisted your goal, or to the dame who stepped in between you and their enforcer.

Since “free” refers to freedom, not to price, there is no contradiction between selling cans of free beer. In fact, the freedom to sell cans is crucial: collections of free cans sold on ice are important for the team, and selling them is an important way to raise funds for team events, such as the end of season kegger, or perhaps some practice ice time…..nahhhhhhhh. Therefore, a program in which people are not free to donate to these collections is not a free beer program.

For some this is a new philosophy, and for others it’s a gnu philosophy. Both of you are probably confused. This is a good example of why you shouldn’t mix free beer, as in beer, with late night writing.

Now where were we? Oh right, beer, and getting it donated to the team for resale. (Why say anything in one sentence when you can take four paragraphs?) Otherwise known as The Free Beer Program.

One way to do it is to start up a website with the word beer in it, cultivate and maintain a steady audience, show a major brewing company your site, and have them sponsor your page and your team. So far, that hasn’t worked. So off we go to Plan B.

Plan B is to call your old university friend. He’s worked his way up the corporate ladder of a major brewery and you ask him if he can do anything for your team. He says he can. All you have to do is purchase his company’s products throughout the season, collect your receipts, turn them into him and he can provide a kickback. So you talk to your team mates into buying that company’s product, not only for the team, but for home use as well. Ah-ha, smart move, you think you’ve just pulled a fast one on your old mate by collecting receipts on the sly. However, when you try to phone him at the end of the year, he won’t return a single call. You’re left standing with two fistfuls of useless chits, while he’s just increased his regional sales by 1%.

Plan C. Keep it simple stupid. Most beer-league hockey teams carry a heavy roster of about 16 players. People have lives outside the rink and sometimes, simply can’t make it to the game. This is okay if 2 or 3 can’t make it, but any more than that and you have to call out spares or risk death-by-sucking-wind on half of your team mates. So of course, if you can’t make it toa game, you call the “spare-guy.” He makes sure enough players make it to the game. If someone doesn’t show, and hasn’t called the “spare-guy,” said someone owes a case of beer. The case is brought to the next game and “donated” to the team. It’s thrown into the cooler and sold at the regular rate. Promote it as a way encourage commitment and camaraderie, or just call it what it is, a tax on the inconsiderate (aka asshole tax). If someone can’t show enough respect to the team to make a simple phone call, then he/she should be penalized.